Friday, 30 September 2011

Lost and Found

A few posts ago, I promised to fill you in about our dear little miracle baby. I hug him everyday, thinking he's a little angel sent from God. I know that sounds corny, but after becoming pregnant at 19, I never thought I'd hear those two words wanna-be second time Mums hear. Secondary Infertility.  It was hard. I cried many times. My arms ached for a new baby. When friends announced their pregnancies, I was always excited for their tiny growing miracles, but jealous too. Why not me? Each month was like a small loss. After 3 years of trying, and an ever increasing age gap between Ballerina, who was now 7 and this never to be baby, we decided to be thankful for our blessings and move on. We had friends and family who were undergoing IVF, and we could see how hard it was. We were at peace with what would be.

So 2 years ago I was gearing up for one of the biggest days of my social calender in the year, our town's business awards, The Rhinos Awards.  I was super stressed about the night. It was an out of control time. So many things happened in the lead up to this big event.
  1. I'd been going through a shit-fight in my personal life, falling out with a good friend.
  2. I'd been trying to grow my hair for ages, and it just wasn't going well. I don't do in between hair well.  
  3. I'd lost the expensive dress I'd bought especially just for the night spectacular fashion, and after much tooing and froing with the shop I'd got it from I had to re-buy my dress, because the dishonest person never took it back to the shop for me, after finding it, ringing the shop, saying they had it and would bring it in. Many tears were cried over that one.
  4. The sis and Ballerina had been soooooo sick, with pleurisy and asthma, and I was nurse to both of them, as well as working full time.
  5. My cycle was all over the shop. In 2009  I felt like my body was out of control. Some     cycles went for 6 weeks. The next cycle might have been 3. Then 5. Then 8. Then 2 weeks. I had not had a period for 6 weeks now. My last period went for 2 weeks, and I was antsy about it. My doctor just brushed this off, and told me to lose weight.
Computer geek and I had already discussed at length, and given up on having more babies. I had in fact put every baby item we owned out for council pick up the month before in September. So that was it. No more baby dreams. And  for a while, it was supremely hard to cope with that realisation. I had wanted this new baby so much over the last 3 years. It was like a primal urge. At times I felt empty and depressed, but also the most free I had been in the last 3 years. A weight had seemingly been lifted from my shoulders.
Eventually looking fabulous on the night, despite everything, and wearing hair extensions...
I told you I don't do in between hair well... And free to enjoy a night out for the first time in forever, so I thought...
One month after this photo was taken, at the start of December, I found out I was pregnant. I took 3 at home tests, and flatly refused to believe them. I told Computer geek not to get his hopes up. I told the sis that I was too fat to have a baby, and false positive tests happen all the time to fat chicks. I didn't even feel pregnant. After all, I'd had horrid sickness with Ballerina for 6 months. I waited 2 and a half more weeks until my blood tests came back. They couldn't have been anymore positive!!!! We told our family on Christmas day. They each received little booties wrapped up. Even they could hardly believe it. Yes, after all this time we were having another little baby!
 And on the 20th of August 2011 at 4pm, we got to meet our second blessing. 9 days overdue, this amazing little guy entered our lives, just as calmly and laid back as he is now. I knew he was going to be a cool little dude, but I didn't know how much he was going to change us. For the better.
I never contemplated just how easily he would fit into our family, 8 years after it first began. I imagined upheaval, and stress, and juggling and tantrums. Instead there's a sense of peace. Its like he's always been here. Watching Computer geek hold his first son with pride. Ballerina has been a natural big sister, from the moment she met him. The Sis was an amazing support to us during the birth (yes, she was there!), and continues to spoil both of them. I'm just glad you're finally Eathside, little boy. Nan and Pop are smiling down on you from Heaven.
I've since discovered I may have PCOS. I'm yet to do the tests for it, but it seems most likely. Its a path I'm just going down now. If you're struggling with infertility out there, good luck, peace and happiness to you on your journey.

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